clear.

moved

2008-06-15T20:28:00.000+08:00

this blog has moved to http://three-sixtydegrees.blogspot.com

...

2008-06-13T00:21:00.002+08:00

just when i thought this blog could rest..

slumber.

2008-04-08T23:19:00.001+08:00

and then there was silence. and pileus fell into a deep slumber. only to reawaken in three weeks.

goodbye.

2008-04-07T12:57:00.002+08:00

as i approach the greenery of tekong, i stop and look back.

i guess this is farewell civilisation. ill miss you. ='(

how to save a life.

2008-03-24T21:31:00.003+08:00

always loved this song but never really bothered with e lyrics when they were actually really nice.

"Step one, you say we need to talk.
He walks, you say sit down it's just a talk.
He smiles politely back at you,
You stare politely right on through.
Some sort of window to your right.
As he goes left and you stay right.
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came.

Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I know how to save a life.

Let him know that you know best
Cuz after all, you do know best.
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along.
And pray to God he hears you.

As he begins to raise his voice,
You lower yours and grant him one last choice.
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed.
He will do one of two things.
He will admit to everything,
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came."

ill admit to everything. but im not e same either... ive become a better person.

your call.

2008-03-20T23:56:00.005+08:00

this is e second song i learnt on my guitar. today i played it while fixing seb's com for like abt 7 hours in total. haha. thing is.. its so fun to play sumthin on an instrument that i din get tired of playin it. haha. well then my future love. this is for you.

haha. such a romantic song. =)

an unknown poem.

2008-02-28T19:22:00.004+08:00

"the flowers by your windowside aren't withered,
someone just dried them for you.
without the hope that you even bothered,
someone wanted to keep those flowers true.

they're not as pretty as that plastic one,
to the fresh one that just came in they pale.
but i daresay they wont be gone,
won't rot, i daresay they're real.

perhaps u'll never lift up this brown bouquet,
won't ever know who sent this,
because u won't know how dried flowers smell,
not unless u sniff."

groove.

2008-02-25T12:37:00.002+08:00

oh. ohoh. oh. oh. ohhhhh...

=)

2008-02-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

Hey future love,

I didn't know how i should start this letter,
with "Dear" or "Hello" which would seem better?
I know i hardly know you, not even your name!
so could i call you my future love? would it be the same?

its Valentine's in two days, i hope this letter makes it!
that it reach your hands, even its late by a little bit.
i wonder when will be the time i finally meet you,
wonder that wish of mine will even come true.

honestly, i don't think im good enough for you now.
coz i wanna be the absolute best, i wanna make you go wow.
so wait for me okay future love? i still nid a lil time.
to prepare for the day that i can finally call you mine.

oh my future love... i really dont mean to boast,
but im sure im gonna be the one who loves you the most.

Love,
Kenneth

PS: Happy Valentine's Day! lets meet at THERIGHTTIME and at THERIGHTPLACE. ill be waiting for you till then. see you!

loser.

2008-02-10T01:20:00.001+08:00

i am a loser.
a f***ing loser.
screw it.
why?

why didnt i see this before?
thank you ____ for putting it up in neon that i am a loser.
i admit it.
i suck.

i am a loser. i dont wanna be one. i wont stand being one.
bye. im off. off to be a better man.

cant draw humans.

2008-02-01T18:02:00.000+08:00

lucky i only spent half an hour on this. was bored and decided to try sumthin ive always failed in. drawing people.

i was real sure i wud screw up so i decided if there was anyone i was disfigure, it had to be me.

i dunno how this turned up but theyre two diff pple. gah. i just cant draw humans. and e drawing is wayy too cartoony. oh wells. new technique failed.

happy!

2008-01-21T20:36:00.000+08:00

today somehow i feel a little lighter,
somehow the sky seems brighter.
i look back and question why,
this rainy day seems dry.

when i realise nothing special happened,
i wonder why i no longer feel saddened.

den it struck me.

i think its coz ive been praying more often. =)

dreams.

2008-01-16T00:04:00.000+08:00

a random thought.

perhaps reality is a realistic dream we dream about most often. just that its special in a way we always carry on where we left off.

dilemma.

2008-01-05T21:32:00.000+08:00

"i would break down this wall,
but would you let me walk through your gate?
i would take you on a stroll,
but would we be too late?

i would let you in on my soul,
but would you take me for real?
i would lay down my defenses,
but would you care how i feel?

i would do what i would,
but should i do what i would?
should i do what i should?
i wonder.. what would u think then?"

release.

2008-01-05T14:49:00.000+08:00

i have decided i'd rather live a vulnerable life thats worth living.

screwed up.

2008-01-02T19:38:00.000+08:00

today i unwillingly made my way to the hairdresser's to cut my (according to my father) extremely long hair. which in our terms, is perfectly normal and in my case, may be even consdered short. well i did anyway. haha. marcus's comment was hilarious. "like sum pri sch kid like that" and how i agree. oh wells. i just need a week for it to grow to a suitable length again. haha.

darn. my cough sure is persistent this time. its even starting to scare me. i really hope its not tuberculosis or something of that sort. and i have cage soccer tommorow! irritating.

met TANWANLIN yesterday. come to think of it, i think my cough got so bad due to an allergic reaction to her. ahhaa. it was already almost gone. then it came back when i was chatting with her. gah! but it was realli nice to see her in such a long time la. haha. that nonsense woman. i doubt many pple will be seeing much of her since shes going to be havin some church stuff like morning till evening everyday for two months. clinics are gonna start to lose money. hehs.

new year!

2008-01-01T15:03:00.001+08:00

haha. spent my new year being drenched in artificial snow. and basically watching pretty explosives ignite against the night sky in the very anti climatical midst of a billion other individuals giving off body heat and smells (eww). i wouldnt say it was breathtaking (i cudnt really take one) but it was definitely a captivating sight. i wonder what siying described as the $5k per second fireworks in taiwan she'd be watching wud look like instead.

well. after e fireworks, it was really kinda sad and stuff coz many people pangsehed us and i ended up being the only guy waiting for another dude who was coming later on. haha. i must admit it was quite an experience being a lone dude walking amongst a group of girls (thank god there were only three)

the night turned out fine in the end. a lil on the dull side but lots of thoughts were shared. i realise i always lose out in such conversations coz i kinda dun have much really to hide. haha. it was kinda done truth or dare style, minus the dare. so i guess a lack of secrets not including the one's others entrusted me with kinda paid off.

haha. i realised too its been a long times since i last did such a normal, regular, post like this. in fact, my blog used to be full of emo stuff. haha. well. i guess new years call for changes. well. cheers to e new year!

fragments of history.

2007-12-31T00:54:00.001+08:00

REALLY old blog entries. some even have secret messages. haha. LOL. see if u can spot em.

"silver-liningless clouds shroud my darkened skies,
over my world they pour, the rain never dries.
lifeless and sore are my reddened eyes,
emptying drops of misery as the time flies.
my existence is insignificant, my spirit cries,
nights are lonely, severed are my friendship ties."

"to heal those wounds takes a length of time,
solace only in which yourself you'll find,
periods of which for her you'll pine,
feeling your life isn't worth a dime,
that youre stuck in the pool of mud and grime,
all you want is for her to show u a sign,
of affection, anything, even its juz a line,
of words, conversation, even a whine,
is precious to your ears, like music divine,
like sirloin steak topped with a glass of wine,
but she is silent, her words a vineyard without vine,
alone at the table, alone u dine,
thoughts of her are in your head, ringing an incessant chime,
it tastes bitter the half empty glass of the juice of lime,
you feel that the fault can't be hers, its mine all mine,
but you must let all that hurt, that tension unwind,
keep the painful memories but put them behind,
for you, my brother i create this rhyme,
but its you, and only you can make yourself fine."

"blunt are the phrases that from her lips uncurl,
ravinging are the syllables that at me she would hurl.
open wounds mark the gashes sustained from her tongue's mighty sword,
killing slowly and painfully is the sound of a single word.
eventually all this hurt will dull itself, erase the cruciating pain,
numb the very knowledge that things won't be the same again."

"Death places its skeletal hand on her shoulder,
even the slightest burden seems like a boulder,
pilfering every ounce of spirit that remains,
rendering her useless as the heavy weight maims.
endlessly, she is tormented by the demons within,
sundering her thread of vitality, which grows so very thin,
suicide seems the only way out,
illness strikes her bout after bout.
only her will can save that broken soul of hers,
nothing else."

"im just like a stale-mated king in a game of chess,
a gun aimed at the enemy in a room filled with gas.
im just like a wood cutter standing on the wrong side of the tree,
a caged bird with a key but doesnt long to be free.
im just like a killer with a laser encased in a sphere with mirrors within,
an anorexic chocolate lover whos crazy about being thin."

wish upon a star.

2007-12-15T22:51:00.001+08:00

last night or morning i saw two shooting stars in a row! haha. really nice. its like. 1/100th of a firwork. but 100 times more satisfying to see. anws.. what do you do when u see a shooting star? u make a wish. and i did. and i hope the combined luck of the two shooting stars will grant my single wish. lol. but i know in a sense that my wish that may seem simple is actually unachieveable. but id like to tell myself its possible. =)

stayover.

2007-12-15T12:22:00.000+08:00

haha. it was supposed to be a guys overnight lan outing. but only four turned up. so we ended up wandering in the streets till about 3am. we were walking thru e crowd outside clubs. it was like being in a cloud of smog. i dislike smoking. its almost antisocial behavior. but anyway, i wud have liked an oxygen tank at tht moment coz my my poor lungs which were almost collapsing from my cough has to tank all those fumes. eventually, we made our way to ben's house for sum heart to heart talk. haha. as usual.. it was refreshing. haha. learnt bout lots. just love e idea of sitting down and talking under e starry sky. lol. (we were by the poolside)

well another really good song. =) (click to play)

your call.

2007-12-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

some sweet song. haha. =) click to play!

falling ill but feeling good

2007-12-13T20:37:00.000+08:00

haha. chalet, going out, late nights.. all has taken a toll on this body of mine. haha. im falling sick! and yet not regretting it a single bit. lol. last nights chalet was e best. we sat down and talked. throughout e night. haha. it was really nice. like this lil get tgther. and it wasnt even our true class chalet. also, we had the luxury of havin this group of lesser beings staying next door to come knock on our window and try to pick a fight in the hope of agitating us. marc of course was agitated. but in a funny way. free entertainment. ahhh.. then there was this fair skinned guy who confronted marcus with his chest sticking out and it was quite a sight to see a puny chump walk up to our bulky chairman. LOL. anyway they were gross la. it disgusts me to even label him as a guy.

next chalet 20th! lol. need to recover. and fight again!

t3

2007-12-11T10:24:00.001+08:00

guided tours around t3 are far more interesting ud might think. went with rach a few days. i was like, " where u wanna go?" den she instantly responded, "t3! t3!" tht excited lil kid.. so we went. and t3 is super high-tech. and kinda like a forest. there gonna be abutterfly garden u noe! yup. t3's carpets have meanings. theyre supposed to represent the bali rice field thing. lol. oh. and there was this fountain. the tour guide said it had a special meaning. then i was expecting sumthin interesting like theyre supposed to represent the beauty that stands out in a swamp like lotuses. (they did look like them btw)but instead the explaination was they represent wealth flowing in. -.- okayyy. lets move on.

well there were lotsa cool things lke motion sensored airconditioning, water coolers, blablah. nice comfy chairs. and the mist effect thing from the ferns all over e walls was pretty cool. but the most entertaining thing of the daywas the little kid i went to t3 with. it felt like a pri sch zoo outing. LOL. which was fun! haha. no offense rach. ill bring ya for meat bawls soon. u get e potatoes.

okay. back to house m.d. season 3 and 4. until next time!

photos.

2007-12-07T23:02:00.000+08:00

once again i have proven to myself that i am probably the most unphotogenic person there on earth. haha. today i went thru the prom pics i had taken. gosh. the number of photos where i actually din ruin the pretty lady or handsome gentleman next to me was pitiful. haha. i guess im really not used to smiling for the camera. sigh. but thank god for the few anomalies. =)

DISCLAIMER

2007-11-02T14:39:00.001+08:00

just so i dun give everyone the wrong impression im in depression (hey it rhymes!) , id just like to clarify that what is here may not really be in current relation to my life. they are more likely to be peaks of fluctuations in my emotions or merely fragments of sudden inspiration. =D but still.. id like to thank all those hu asked how i am. yup!

symbolic.

2007-10-25T20:09:00.000+08:00

i need morphine.

2007-10-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

seriously. it shdnt hurt this much... why?

ouch.

2007-10-24T21:55:00.000+08:00

"like the fragile flower,
blooming then withering away.
like the ablaze sparkler,
lit then extinguished.

like the shooting star,
fading in the night sky.
like the evening sun,
descending to the horizon.

fleetingly beautiful.

but like the papercut,
sudden but stinging.
but like the biting of tongue,
and the ulcer that follows.

yet lastingly painful."

to aundrea.

2007-10-07T13:24:00.000+08:00

"a melancholic sweetness,
the smell of rain,
i wonder if the weather,
is sharing this droning pain.

the sky's overcast,
with strong winds blowing,
streaks of lightning,
set the heavens aglowing.

solitary i stare,
out of the window in my room.
feeling nothing,
but a sense of gloom.

then "knock knock",
someone's here.
this man with holes in both palms,
seems to take away my fear.

i hold His hand,
im no longer alone.
the sky's clearing up now,
the rain is gone.

a comforting warmth,
marks the end of the rain.
i wonder if the weather,
shares my emotion again."

haha. a poem for u old friend. nice meeting u yesterday. u seemed so happy i could'nt help but feel happy for you too.

distance.

2007-09-22T14:27:00.000+08:00

i advance,
u retreat,
i carry on,
feeling dead beat .

at arms length,
just a metre away,
i feel that
youre keeping me at bay.

though i really dont have a clue,
something just tells me my thoughts are true.
so today i shall stop, even take a step back,
even though its not perseverance i lack.

so you can stop running away now,
im no longer chasing.
id like you to rest now,
ill just be here erasing,

just standing here, still a metre away,
waiting till youve something to say...

so that perhaps someday...
...i'll no longer feel the distance

unhealthy lifestyle

2007-08-28T13:35:00.000+08:00

the mugging life is as good as leading a couch potato life. i realise that my claim on this journey being hazardous to one's health is probably not untrue in its entirety. over just a few days and i can literally feel my body having adverse reactions to being cooped at home. haha. that statement reminds me of someone i know. oh wells. back to books. but oh yay. ill be stepping out of e house today. to celebrate "onix's" bdae. hes probably so excited tht its raining so heavily now.

haha. eclipse tonight. im glad ive got friends to watch something like that with me this time.

a quest

2007-08-17T22:59:00.000+08:00

today i shall hereby embark on this hazardous journey, one which would likely involve sleepless nights, mental torture and physical turmoil. one fraught with dangers. should i be driven insane, or stray from the true path, this will be my last message to the world. i am going to, for the first time in my entire life, seriously mug. i expect it will be a lonely journey and i may not make it back alive. today i leave all emotional entanglements behind and strive to pursue my destiny. i hope this patchwork soul of mine can take it. May God be with me. goodbye bloggy for now. every now and then i will return to unleash my frustrations. but when or if i truly return, i will definitely be a stronger man.

three phrases from four years back.

2007-08-16T23:21:00.000+08:00

"if u really love something, set it free. and if it comes back, then its meant to be"

"one only has one chance to make the first impression"

"the someone u know is the someone you knew the last time u saw him"

suddenly remembered these. i remember e first phrase was one that was close to my heart, as close as the person who made me remember it and yet as i think back today, i never really knew that person well but yet.. yes. she was close to my heart. probably the closest anyone has ever gotten and yet the most distant of all those who were close to my heart.

runway recollections.

2007-07-23T18:37:00.000+08:00

A gentle melody is playing in the background as i take this walk down this dimly lit place. i take a step. two. three. i hear squeals of laughter and chattering voice of children, playing their games under the watchful eyes of their parents. i hear the stories of memorable journeys spoken from the mouths of distant travellers. i hear footsteps and the sound of the wheels of travel bags rolling over the cold marble floor. and yet. i hear nothing.

a row of sparsely-filled flesh coloured chairs flank my left. a cleaner donning a blue-coloured uniform pushes a grey trolley laden with three pails, two bottles of detergent, a few rags, a mop and a window wiper behind me. a passionate couple is locked in an embrace at a cosy corner enjoying the view to my right. all this under the orange glow of fluorescent lighting. and yet. i see nothing.

as i finally stop to open my soul to a sight of beautiful bright lights in the darkness of the night sky, a view of magnificent metal beasts as they take off into the moonlit horizon, the cleaner earlier chats merrily with his companion, the couple lock themselves into an even tighter embrace. the kids from before continue with their carefree games, and the adults with their conversations. everyone seemed to have someone. and yet. i had no one.

i felt nothing. or maybe i felt too much of something.

that was a number of months back. recently i stepped into the very same place.

the cleaner was there. the couples were there. the kids were there and so were the adults. this time, i saw, i heard, i felt. and this time... everyone had someone.

Passion.

2007-07-22T09:27:00.000+08:00

went to benchew's church thingy yesterday. haha. it was pretty cool. there was this group of dancers whom i thought was really excellent and the coolest part was that it was just a cca! hahaha. at least overseas. i so wish i could do the moonwalk like them. ahahha. but the nicest thing was they seemed so passionate abt what they were doing. haha. and that i think drives us to do great things. i wish i had a passion for studying. woah. ill be the nubian gents of mugging man. but then again. i thought. maybe God din wan me to have a passion for studying. haha. he wanted me to actually work hard and actually have to overcome hardships in order to get the grades i desire so that ill treasure it more and also be able to grow from it. many wished they loved studying so that theyll get better grades and stuff. but i think if one really spent all his time studying. they tend to kind of have very little social contact and i think life without that is kinda sad. and lonely. but i guess i can think from a viewpoint of a nerd where the books are really treasured companions. but i think its really impossible for me to comprehend such introversial character. but yeahh. thts why ive come to believe in this world we kinda are all meant to suffer in one way or another due to a lack in something. something that serves as a reliable source of emotional support. someone we can trust implicitly. someone who is always there. and since that is not capable by our fellow mortals it must be a being that surpasses moratal existence. someone we must dicover within our hearts. a divine being. God. i must say i feel im not a really holy person. but i do love God. for giving me life and a chance to experience emotion. i shant say joy or happiness but emotion. coz without suffering.. we really cant appreciate how blessed we really are.

Treant

2007-07-21T14:09:00.001+08:00

compass lessons are rather useless. so i decided to do something that i havent done in a while. that is to draw. =)

"Beneath the canopy of the forest of whispering trees,

where the air is fresh and the greenery lush,

it is where these gentle giants call their home."

The Treant

riding the artificial lagoon

2007-07-15T11:35:00.000+08:00

went wake boarding yesterday. woah. its really pretty fun. we came expecting the pe elective to be some like 1 hr theory and super few tries on the thing itself. but wow. the minute we came, the guy just talked to us for5 mins on how to use the thing andwe were off for some pure fun for 2 hrs.

firstly wakeboarding. is IMPOSSIBLE for the first time. no one succeeded at wakeboarding at all. at least not here. we went to do knee boarding and water skiing (din get to try this one) anw. i screwed up totally at e start. my first try was a complete failure. a 4 second washout. ahahaha. of course there were a few with 2 second washouts. but u see. the girls were natural talents. some of them like completed the round in the first try. but well. i only made it to third turn in my second attempt. lol. but eventually i completed one round on the knee board!! ahahaha. its super fun. the sensation of like drifting on the water is like so cool. at least thts what i did after i got used to it. it was like driving a car. then drifting. damn it was exhilarating.

i wanna go again. but its more painful on the pocket than it is on the arms. $33 an hour. school subsidised. $35 for 2 hours.

but. i still wanna go. xD

Monotony

2007-07-10T23:42:00.000+08:00

Its back. school. the monotony of daily lectures and tutorials, after which one goes home to do whatever homework one was given during these dreadful periods followed by sleep.

but i guess its the price to pay for living in this commpetitve society today where information is power. e cost is simple. your freedom. at least in the meantime.

oh what would i give to actually find a passion in poring through those gargantuan stacks of black and white.

oh. and to add on. i have something which i call "MARVELLOUS monday"
it involves having five successive 50 min periods after a short lunch break.
its killer. really.

nut-bolt

2007-06-25T17:43:00.000+08:00

if there could be a thing that would describe my answers in my geog paper today, it would most definitely be a nut. those short and stumpy steel components so totally describe my answers.

short. hollow and empty. and definitely screwed.

nuts.

enter the mugger

2007-06-21T11:38:00.000+08:00

they really should make a reality show on mugging. lets call it "the hermit" 60 days. in an enclosed room. no computer. only books and an exercise machine. food will be sent in everyday. study for an exam. if u get an A u get to get out of that hell. and u win 50,000 bucks. if u get anything below an A u stay. all scenes will be recorded on video. if u choose to quit, u pay 50,000. haha. simple. and sadistic.

immediate transport of course, will be provided f.o.c to bring you to the nearest institute of mental health if neccessary.

a frightening thing! (not for the faint hearted)

2007-06-20T11:58:00.000+08:00

dear ol joy reminded me abt something i thought of the other day. living by the hour is SCARY. this is account of my yesterday. woke up at 11. decided to take lunch early and slacked till 1130. then had lunch. time elasped (1.5hours). 1230 alr. tution starts between 1-130. i need to do my math induction. did it till 115. den during tution went thru my mistakes (tons of em) till 4. time elasped (4.5hrs). brain tired. cant think. took a half hour break which felt like 5 mins. sister called to eat dinner with me at 6. studied one hour more. buay tahan alr. slack till 6. time elasped (2 hrs) dinner time + travelling time = time elasped (1hr) 7-730 wash up and cool down. study an hour and tv an hour and study till 1130 then really bushed alr. settled some things on msn. 12. tried to sleep but onli managed to sleep at abt 1. time elasped (6 hrs)

1 day gone.

total time elapsed in 1 rather detailed paragraph (15 hrs) 24 hrs - sleep time (8 hrs) = 16 hrs its crazy. if my life were to make up of many of such days. i think id be dead before i know it.

time spent typin this stupid entry (20 minutes) aka. 4.57% of my total conscious hours. isnt it crazy?

fatigue.

2007-06-18T23:02:00.000+08:00

i. am. tired. haha. yup. its been a long day today. woke up at 6am tho i slept at 1 plus e previous day to go to e park with mom. i bladed she sorta jogged. its interesting to see that e park downstairs has such a bustling "morning life" with people ; usually more elderly adults in their gear happily taking a leisurely stroll or, like those i encountered, doing some really weird 'taichi' thingies with cheena background music. they were practising it in the hockey court which i was blading in. so i kinda got free entertainment while chiongin a few tens of laps. its fun blading. pity i aint very good at turns. or stopping either. but its really fun going fast. really fast. e rush is great.

talking bout rush, this game called dota is adrenaline pumping for me. i dunno why. but iperspire everytime i play it. okay. maybe not perspire but i do feel hot after a round of it. its fun! after a long time of not playin it. oh wells. i guess i shall rest early tonight. oh yea. these days i keep getting reminded of a few people. haha. i miss them! one of them is TANWANLIN. haha. the last meeting felt liek old times. something i really missed. but i alr met up with e her so its more like wanting to meet again. ehh.. e rest i think ill keep to myself! hahaha. but it was largely TANWANLIN. hahaahahaha. my one and only ES. hohoho! okie. getting a lil high. must be my honey green tea. ben yeo says i get drunk on tea. i think its a lil true.

inspirational people

2007-06-17T22:09:00.000+08:00

yesterday i watched a video which kinda inspired me. juan dee. the creator of the free hugs campaign. i think the campaign is pretty cool and stuff. and in u can really see how a hug can brighten up one's day. even its from a random person on e street. i guess in this crazy world today, what we all really need is a hug to remind us theres still sense in living on this insane planet.

but juan dee was creative. and it was just his creativity that inspired me. cos duh. i dont know him. but today i watched a show on animal planet "crikey! what an adventure" it was a recording made to kind of look into steve irwin's life and the things he did. its been a long time since his death but yea.. i think this dude here was the real thing. i bet there are plenty of criticisms about him being a fake and like he disturbs animals and stuff. but yeah. the video made me respect e dude. the video really showed what the crocodile hunter did for conservation. that part was well.. great and all. i mean, its hard to imagine that a person with such drive and passion exists. but the thing that really touched me the most was the way he educated his kids. and how the kids really looked up to him. and THAT i feel cant be faked. ull have to watch e vid to understand but yeah.. there was this scene where he was with bindy (his daughter) in like some random video. they were standing near an ants nests and he was like teaching his daughter to love animals. and its like the little girl was answering her dads questions like.. "do you love animals?" and "are they(bull ants) your friends?".Then, him: "if they bite you are they still your friends?" bindy: "yes." him:"and why do they bite you?" bindy:"because theyre scared." then she smiles and her dad puts his hand gently near the opening of the nest and his daughter follows suit even with the knowledge that they may bite and it'll hurt. (i think steve wanted to teach his daughter that its not all talk, although in e end the ants din bite any of them but thats not e point) yep. i thought that was really sweet.

its sad e world has lost such a great man. well stevie, ure my hero.

es.

2007-06-17T12:01:00.001+08:00

yay. im back blogging. back to this layout. guess its e one i love most!

finally met up with my es after a long time. not as a depressed soul but as one that broke free. again. its interesting how depression creeps back up again after its been gone for so long. depression makes one do stupid things. haha. no one will believe me. but i kinda was walking to get my lunch when i looked up at e sky and and thought of my life clearly for once. an aimless one. was practically living by the day. having nothing to look forward to, my soul just fed upon the dregs of the past. den it just occured to me. i used to live past those periods of gloom (its a depression thing. u feel like ure sad for nothin. or maybe something but u just dunno what or maybe its everything) telling myself i should not feel sad for something im not even sure exists. but that day, i decided that i COULD break free. and i did. haha. oh wells. feels good now. things that one would consider sad or even the normal things. everything feels good. having exams in 8 days time feels stressful but good. not being sure if i can even pass any of my papers is scary but feels better now. maybe its because good its a relative thing. i used to be feeling bad about everything and now i guess normal or happy is good now. thank God.

anyway. im very happy i met my es yesterday. never fails to cheer me up. unless im in depressed mode where i cant click with her. otherwise its really a happy thing. even if its.. STUDYING. haha. oh. and cheeyanhong was there too! another happy-bringer. haha. and rachelle. i realised shes not that hard to talk to after all! tho were in e same class and stuff i hardly talk to her. well. it was a good day. a really good day.